I need a good idea.

Today is a waste of a day. I have shit to do, but I’m entirely at the mercy of other people to accomplish it.

I stepped on a thumbtack today. That pretty much sucked dick in every possible way.

I’m listening to “Play That Funky Music White Boy” and for once, I really feel what James Brown means.

I wish I had a tree in my yard. I mean, I do, but the area around it isn’t grassy and good for sitting. It’s where we burn brush and other plant articles in the summer, and where the cats take shits, and people turn around over there so it’s partly gravelly and fuck man, I just want to sit under my tree. It’s that so much to ask?

Man, sometimes I feel stupid when I’m in the same outfit the only two times I ever meet a person. I always bet they’re thinking “Damn, doesn’t this bitch have different clothes?” I do have different clothes, but I haven’t seen you in like three weeks! How the fuck am I supposed to remember what I wore on what day I hung out with your ass? I am not writing out a laundry schedule. Wait. I bet they won’t even remember what I was wearing, because I definitely don’t remember what they had on.

Holy fucking shit, why do scabs itch so bad? That’s not even fair. You can’t scratch a scab- if you do, you’ll pick it off and the whole damn process starts again at square one: gaping wound, fresh scab, crusty scab (key itchiness phase!) scar. I hate that.

I put my hair into a pony tail with a pipe cleaner once. This is only worth mentioning because it had actually been used to clean pipes.

“Dude, fuck your bong.

“I would, but it’s too big. I’d fuck the downstem, but no one wants a resin-pussy.”

"I know, blah blah blah, hating the gays is bad!"
"No, I was gonna say 'Everyone else does it!'"

"It's ok to be racist. Black people had their chance. We've had black marriage for a long time, but not gay marriage!"

“I want to go on a murderous rampage.”

“Go kill Indians.”

“I would, but where am I going to get smallpox infected blankets?

“Why express yourself at all if it doesn't matter?”

“Why not?”

“Because there are more fun things to do. Because you can sleep instead. Million reasons why not.

“Then there are a million reasons why. However, one of those reasons doesn't have to "Because I care about it."”

“Dude, stay in your lane.”

“It don’t matter- cops know bitches can’t drive!”