Tonight, as I lay in slumber (watching Daisy of Love actually) I heard a noise.
A badger had penetrated the walls of my stronghold.
I couldn't lay about idly as the unwanted guest ransacked my possessions- I had to act, and act now.
I lept out of my bed and grabbed a weapon. (I have a cane I bought at a flea market that I use to switch the light off when I don't want to get up)
I was to fight this badger.
I cornered him, up in arms. He has nowhere to go.
I need back up.
Desperately, I search around.
AH-HA! A comrade! My Loyal SaberCat Companion, Fifi.
I hoist her massive girth into the air using all the strength I can muster, and I hurl her at the offending badger.
To no avail. She looks at him curiously and falls asleep promptly. Useless.
I need another plan.
With the speed of a gazelle, I run to the kitchen. I need a tool. Peering, searching, I find a bowl. This will do nicely to capture (and then torture) the badger. I grab my sharpie and write "Guantanamo Bowl" on my bowl. I am in charge.
Racing back to my bedroom, I sneak up on to the cornered beast. My bowl is at the ready- my muscles are taut- ready to pounce. I AM A GOD!
I begin speaking kindly to the badger- but not too kindly. It will grow suspicious. I raise my bowl into the air, slamming it down onto the badger.
CAUGHT. He is now my prisoner. I slam the lid onto the bowl, ensuring that he cannot break free.
CRISIS AVERTED.
tl;dr? I caught a mouse in a bowl and turned him loose in the woods. Poor little guy.
A badger had penetrated the walls of my stronghold.
I couldn't lay about idly as the unwanted guest ransacked my possessions- I had to act, and act now.
I lept out of my bed and grabbed a weapon. (I have a cane I bought at a flea market that I use to switch the light off when I don't want to get up)
I was to fight this badger.
I cornered him, up in arms. He has nowhere to go.
I need back up.
Desperately, I search around.
AH-HA! A comrade! My Loyal SaberCat Companion, Fifi.
I hoist her massive girth into the air using all the strength I can muster, and I hurl her at the offending badger.
To no avail. She looks at him curiously and falls asleep promptly. Useless.
I need another plan.
With the speed of a gazelle, I run to the kitchen. I need a tool. Peering, searching, I find a bowl. This will do nicely to capture (and then torture) the badger. I grab my sharpie and write "Guantanamo Bowl" on my bowl. I am in charge.
Racing back to my bedroom, I sneak up on to the cornered beast. My bowl is at the ready- my muscles are taut- ready to pounce. I AM A GOD!
I begin speaking kindly to the badger- but not too kindly. It will grow suspicious. I raise my bowl into the air, slamming it down onto the badger.
CAUGHT. He is now my prisoner. I slam the lid onto the bowl, ensuring that he cannot break free.
CRISIS AVERTED.
tl;dr? I caught a mouse in a bowl and turned him loose in the woods. Poor little guy.
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